Quote: “What one has not experienced, one will never understand.”
My life has always been an easy one when I was living with my parents. I never had to worry about things like; electricity bills, monthly rent, food and other expenses. Whatever I wanted was served right before me without any questions. “Life was easy beyond doubt.”
Long time back, when I used to live with my parents, my father called me in his room and showed me a monthly telephone bill of Rupees 10,000, which was approximately $140 at that time. He started scolding me for a few minutes about the misuse of telephone line that I had been doing. Then he told me how hard he has to work to earn such a lump sum amount. Even then, I was stubborn and told him repeatedly, that I had not misused the line. For me, to get a telephone bill of Rupees 10,000 was not a serious matter. I even challenged him that I could earn rupees 10,000 in a matter of a day.
After hearing my challenge, he paused for a moment and told me “what one has not experienced, one will never understand.”
At that moment I did not understand what he really meant. I did not have to work for money and I did not realize how hard it was to earn.
Today, my life has completely changed. After coming to U.S. and having to work for the first time in my life, I now realize, how hard it is to earn. The money which I earn is not enough to support myself because I have to pay my bills every month and try to save some for my college as well. Now to earn $140, which I used to spend on the telephone, chatting about useless and meaning less things; I have to work almost 20 hours.
By realizing this lesson that my father gave me long before, I finally found out the true meaning of my dad’s quote “what one has not experienced, one will never understand.”
Now, I have deep respect for my father as for so many years he worked hard to support me and my family, providing us with the best that he can afford. I feel guilty for the disrespect that I showed my father in the past. I misused the things that was for my convenience and took them for granted.
I now know, unless and until you experience the true meaning of hard work, you will never know the convenience that your family is providing you. At last, all I can say is “one can never understand, what one has not experienced.”

I believed in the saying action speaks louder than words. I was under the illusion that 's what some of my friends believed in too. An incident proved me wrong to my bitter disappointment. These friend's I mention here are those friends I spend most of my time with. I talk to them a lot on issues related to women. I love these kinds of conservation with them, as it's interesting to hear male's views on issues related to women. I thought they were very much sensitive regarding the poor status of women in the society, whenever I talked about female issues besides listening with interest they participated in the debate even if it sometimes goes to extent. They convinced me if I become radical. They corrected me in every extent. A good conservation with them always left me thinking how fortunate I am to have friends sensitive on women related issues.
They talked as though they were the ones who believed in gender equality. Their talk always gave the impression that they were those who thought it was high times the suffering of women in our society changed. Well I have heard them say a number of times that lack of proper education is the only factor that marks the difference between women and men. But alas that's not all there are hundreds of things that mark the difference between a man and a woman.
That's what I found out when I went with a proposal to my friends. (They have been in search of a suitable life partner for some time now). They enthusiastically listened about her. Apart from describing her beautiful features I also informed them she is well educated, they seemed even more interested. It was but natural for being educated and intellectual themselves they would love to marry a woman with her own identity. But I was puzzled when they directly refused to hear more about her once after I
disclosed that she is a widow.
Here's the story of my friend - Her husband died of drug overdose. Having spent just about three days with her husband, she was barely experienced what marriage actually mean. When she came to know that her husband was a drug user and was spending last days of his life, she was stunned. When her
husband didn't come home even during nights, she finally started living with her parents, as hers was an arranged marriage.
Let me tell another story of a girl named Rosa, who had a bitter experience with marriage. She got married when she was barely 18 years old. She had just passed SLC and joined I.A. Rosa was forced to marry the guy, under lot of pressure for family and friends is girls who has just touched adulthood was left with on choice but with the accepting her fate. Rosa was convinced herself to marry a guy she had not even seen.
Soon after marriage she had typhoid. And had to bed rest for 15 days. On the 16th day she came to her parents as Shora Rat (ritual of visiting parental home in 16th days of marriage). Since her examination was nearing she started living with her parents. That was in consent of her husband and his family. However, they had warned her that, this was her last examination and she would not be allowed to continue her education any further. Despite the fact that her husband had promised her parents that he would allow her study even if his family opposed But when Rosa asked permission from her husband to study further his only and one reply to her expression was, “Who will look after the Kethi if you go to collage. You are married to shoulder all our farm work not to complete your education.”
The next morning he gathered all his family members and called her father as well and said, “She wants to divorce me.” You can guess what would have had happened to her. But she didn’t give up rather she committed to stay in his house. But she had to give up when he spread a rotten rumor that she was also married to her boyfriend and that was the reason why she wanted to divorce him. He even showed fake letters to people. When all these accusations failed to push Rosa out of his house he dared to announce that Rosa was HIV infected and that he could no more call her his wife.
She was battered and forced to leave his home at mid night. Even her own parents refused to accept her back. They too believed all the accusation against her. Then she started living with her aunt. After a while she managed to get a job. It was only when she became self-dependent that her parents accepted her back. Nearly a year later she filed case for divorce. As no self-respecting woman can tolerate being labeled ‘characterless. ’Apart from the accusation of HIV infected.
The next month she divorced him, he married another woman. Later she came to know the lady he married was his girlfriend. He had married Rosa just because his girlfriend was from another caste and not accepted by his family. He had to prove that it’s better to marry a girl from another caste rather than accept a ‘characterless’ woman.
Instead of remaining as a wife of worst man, Rosa completed her master's degree and is a professional working woman today. Though she always hated men, a few days ago shared with me that she liked a man and proposed him. He accepted her. But few weeks later when she shared that she is a divorcee, he started ignoring her and finally detached from her. However, one of his friends came and proposed to her saying that Rosa was one of the best women in his surrounding and he would do everything for her if she accepted his proposal. But ironically he was a married and has two kids along with a beautiful wife.
Here comes the issue. What is the fault of my friend and Rosa that every man should reject her from marrying and see them with only greedy eyes as a commodity? Why should they compulsorily look for a widowed man already having children or a divorced one? I don't mean to say they should only marry bachelors. But my argument is that, when unmarried women normally accept widowed or divorced men, why can't unmarried men do likewise?

It is the male psychology with dwelt nature, one side that is continuing the same discriminatory structure. It's wrong to generalize. Yet I have no choice as, I haven’t found a single acceptation. No, Not even my friends to whom I always trusted regarding such matters.
Keeping in mind that today’s men, men of 21st century will not have differences in their feelings in denying the so called ‘tradition’ of not marrying a divorcee or a widow, I had had proposed ‘Males’ in the veil of ‘Modernism’. But my faith simply got shattered when their real heart spoke out. When I came to know their belief that no bachelor should accept already married or a singled woman unless and until he is die-hard fan of her (divorcee or a widow).
One of several, with whom I talked said, "Why should we even see such woman unless we fail to find someone who is not married, a 'virgin'?" Well for them a girl who is not married is virgin. Contrary to the fact that several studies have shown that majority of unmarried teenagers have had experienced
sex giving rise to the vulnerability of Sexually Transmitted Diseases and HIV and AIDS.
The greatest irony is that best person to have extra marital affair is widow or a divorcee. The best category of women to be kept as 'keep' is also divorcee or widow. Widows and divorcees for them are only to have physical pleasure.
As everyone knows these facts but my propose in repeating these tiring facts is to try and give a wake up call to this educated generation to practice what they have been taught. To try and put themselves in the shoes of these unfortunate women who had horrible glimpse of married life?
I wonder if there is a guy out there who is man enough to accept these lovely ladies and show them what a good marriage can be. I would be happy with my writing if I could change at least one person's attitude towards marrying a widow or a divorcee. Is there any one with a heart big enough to respect women for what they are rather than ponder about their unpleasant past?

Construction of the overhead brides along the Ratna Park roadside has been going on for some months now. And this has been a source of headache for me because I hate overhead bridges. It also takes a lot of time and who in this fast paced world has the time to cross those bridges. These bridges also give me an uneasy feeling when at times I look up and see them, instead of the sky. It's as though the sky is not the limit any more but the overhead bridge. Now you might call me lazy (making excuses for climb those steps created for our safety). But my problem is only with overhead bridges; (I don't mind walking around provided I have ample time to get somewhere). Climbing those stairs in the mild sun is actually not that bad during the winter. But alas, the winter does not remain forever. The real problem lies during the hot summer days, when just getting out of the house is an oderal. Let alone the long climb to the overhead bridge to cross the narrow road.  Climbing an overhead bridge is twice as tiring as compared to a long walk around the city. Traffic lights would be the best option here. As people have started following these traffic light rules, since quite a few of these lights have been installed have been put up in many busy roads.  Then, comes the monsoon with it downpours. Making a swift dash across the road is much easier than climbing the bridge in the rain. Moreover these bridges aren't good to look at.  How could it when such huge bridges are built on lane like road, making it even narrower. Why then go on building them all over the valley when installing a traffic light would be so much easier or the other reasonable option would be to build sub- ways.  If you ask me Subways are the best options in a country like ours where the roads are so narrow and the chance of widening them is slim. On top of that the government itself isn't sure of perfect location for these overhead bridges as they keep on erecting them in a place and after sometime they erupt it and build it all over again somewhere near the old one.
Why then are they building those big awful bridges (when after a while after some time there're going to pull it down after a while).

That must be some two months back. Including myself there was another friend with me having some casual talk with one of our boss and two of the senior collogues. It simply started with the issue of marriage and women’s nature. When they started talking about the importance of adopting foreign land as a workplace, I objected and said, “It’s only for those who care more about money than their real responsibility towards their society and family.” Despite agreeing to the fact they said that it was the society that has been forcing especially male members to earn high amount. Thus amidst such pressure, especially from female members of the family and the society, men are even forced to get into the world of bribery leave alone choosing foreign land as their workplace. I again opposed their version saying, “No, not at all. At least those from our generation can never be a part of that society or part of that female circle who influence men for taking bribe or pressuring them to go to foreign land in order to earn high amount to fulfill materialistic desires of their women.” But they had enough justifiable and logical points to get strong hold on their claim. One of the three with whom healthy discussion was going on said that his wife was educated enough but still some of pressures do come through her. “Sometimes knowingly and some times unknowingly,” he said. “Even though she doesn’t demand for jewelry or some nice Sari she often talks about her near and dear ones wearing or buying such stuffs frequently. She often talks about the frequent visit to the star hotel by her sisters and relatives, though she never demands directly. But she confesses that she too likes enjoying such materialistic pleasure despite her husband’s in-affordability, he said adding, “These things give us moral pressure from among three of the men, boss said that girls always look for the property of men instead of looking about his capability and education. “This proves girls still don’t have realized their self dependency,” he had said. “Though they talk about their rights and self identity they themselves have failed proving it,” another of our colleague had said. With this small casual talk what I have learnt is that girls and women need to abandoned the habit of demanding their necessity from their husband or other male members like, brother, father or even boyfriend. We should stop relying upon their earnings if we want to prove our self-identity and existence. “At least we, who earn on our own, on whom parents, have spent enough. We should start thinking that we are not among them who force men to get into the world of bribery. Let’s teach them (those male who think that women always make huge demand on their husbands) young girls have different perception. Let’s speak out loud that we don’t belong to that group who still believes in patriarchal structure of the society. Let’s prove that it’s not the women forcing men to earn high amount and compelling them to leave the motherland despite their unwillingness. Let’s be ready to say that we need a perfect man as a life partner, not the one covered with parental property or paralyzed with the same. Not the one who earns through illegal channel. We too are ready to shoulder our responsibility with men. We believe in equality not in dependency. Let’s initiate the change…