Friends of Women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend's apartment overnight. So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none of them confirm that she was with them.

Friends of Men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still with them!!

--Taruna Saluja, Software Engineer, Keane India , Gurgaon

# Who Says Men Don't Remember Anniversaries
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and
you were only 17?" he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.
The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when
you father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years".
"I remember that too", she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!"

# So Much Fun
A suspicious husband hired a private eye to check on the movements of his wife. In addition to a written report, the husband wanted a video of his wife's activities.
A week later, the detective returned with a film. They sat down together and proceeded to watch it.
Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them strolling arm in arm and laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw them take part in a dozen activities with utter glee.
"I just can't believe this," said the distraught husband.
"What's not to believe?" the detective said. "It's right up there on the screen!"
"I simply can't believe my wife could be so much fun!" the husband replied.

# Extra Office Work
The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary.
He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"
The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."

# You Caught My Eye
A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his hand out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down.
"Is this yours?" he asked.
She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed.
On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, "I'm about to have dinner. There's plenty, would you like to join me?"
He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, "I've had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?"
The man hesitated then said, "Do you act like this with every man you meet?"
"No," she replied, "only those who catch my eye."

# Just Before I Die
Showing his friend around his his home, Jennings pointed out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage.
"The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got just to see how much it's all worth."
"Well," his friend replies, "since you couldn't possibly know the day before you were going to die, you'll never be able to sell!"
"And that's where you're wrong," the man smiled. "If I sell it, my wife would kill me!"

Women and Men !!
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.
Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.....The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Share this with other women who are good apples, even those who have already been picked!
Now Men....
Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

A Joke:
Scene: Two Sardarjee's were watching a cricket game when one got excited, the other asked "Abe goal ho gaya kya?"
The other replied, "Ish may kaha goal hota he, goal to cricket may hota he"

Joke # 1
The Beauty of English
Ever noticed how deleting one word after the other in a sentence can lead to a nice story?
Here's an example:
Oh John please don't touch me at all...!
Oh John please don't touch me at...!
Oh John please don't touch...!
Oh John please don't...!
Oh John please...!
Oh John..! Oh John !!
Ohhh.......
----------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 2
Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.
A few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks
Bill Gates.

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.
He arranged a press conference : "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet -----aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva. .

The 30-year-old has been living at Brad's Malibu mansion with her two adopted children since last week, according to The Sun newspaper. The pad is only a short drive from the beachfront house where Pitt's estranged wife Jennifer Aniston is currently living. The Mr and Mrs Smith co-stars have been the subject of months of speculation about whether they are an item, but have continued to deny it.

Pitt, 41, accompanied Jolie on her recent trip to Africa, where she adopted an Ethiopian girl, named Zahara Marley Jolie, as a sister to her son Maddox.  And there could be a fourth member of the Jolie family joining Pitt in California following reports that the Tomb Raider star is on the look out for a third child. The US adoption specialist who helped her to adopt Zahara has revealed that she wants to further extend her family. Dr Ron Federici said: "I know Angelina was looking in Russia for a baby, and I wouldn't be surprised if she adopts another one." Until recently, Jolie had been living in Buckinghamshire, England with her two children.

Coldplay singer Chris Martin and Carrie Underwood, who won the American Idol crown in May, shared the title the World’s Sexiest Vegetarian in animal rights group Peta’s annual online poll. More than 13,000 votes were cast in the contest run by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. Underwood, a 22-year-old Oklahoma native, wore a V for Vegetarian T-shirt on the Fox show. Martin, 28, and his wife, Gwyneth Paltrow, made headlines when they gave their one-year-old daughter, Apple, a vegan birthday cake. Underwood and Martin beat out other famous veggies including David Duchovny, Reese Witherspoon, Avril Lavigne, Joaquin Phoenix and Prince. Last year, Andre 3000 of OutKast and Alicia Silverst-one won the title.

Britney's baby due in September
Britney Spears is due to give birth to her first baby in September, her sister Jamie-Lynn has revealed.
But Jamie-Lynn made no reference to the rumours that her 23-year-old popstar sister is expecting twins when she posted a message to fans at her official website.
She also gave no clue as to the sex of the baby. Jamie-Lynn (14) who stars on the TV kids show 'Zoey 101', said she was enjoying living in Los Angeles because "I get to spend a lot of time with Britney. We are getting ready for the new baby's arrival in September!!!!. "I can't wait. I have been shopping so much for the baby and it is not even here yet!!" she gushes. Britney's husband, Kevin Federline, already has two children, Kori, two, and Kaleb, 11 months, with former dancer Shar Jackson. Britney married Federline in California on September 18, 2004.